top of page
Zoeken

How to recognize that you're gaslighted.

subtlebalanceantwe
25 jan 20214 minuten om te lezen

In my previous blog post we spoke about gaslighting, the existence and the most important charateristics. Today I want to focus on how you can recognize that you're gaslighted. I made a summary of five signs for you to know that it's time to trust your gut feeling and start building distance between you and the abuser. Gaslighting is a severe form of psychological abuse that can cause serious damage. It is a persistent form of emotional manipulation and brainwashing that has the purpose in having power and control over another person. If you feel that you're gaslighted contact a professional that can help you break free from this toxic relationship.


This summary isn't the only one. You can experience different characteristics as well. If this is the case do not hesistate to share them with us. The more we know about gasligthing, the more awareness we can create.


  1. You don't feel like you fit in anywhere: If you are feeling like an outcast in your own life or if you're feeling so different that you don't fit in anywhere, it might be that you are artificial encouraged to believe that. The abuser defines what 'your normal' is by making you believe that you are different and that the way you are reacting isn't normal. He or she constantly confirms that something might be off because of the way you behave, think or even feel. It gives you a feeling of alienation and makes the abuser look like he or she is the only trustworthy person to go to. Because of the constant confirmation you might ask yourself the question: "what is wrong with me?" daily.

  2. Second-guessing and doubting: The way we see ourselves is fundamental in forming our values and beliefs, but also in how we develop and grow in relationships and the world around us. It shapes us into unique individuals. One of the gaslighter's goals is to shred that image and take control over you. They will do anything in their power to erase the images you have of yourself by telling lies, twisting the truth, ... They are heros in making you believe that you are the problem saying things like: "you're remembering it wrong, that's not what happened, I never said that, you must be imagining it, you never did that, off course I said that... you must recall it wrong, ..." The constant contradiction is so intense and will mess with your own way of perceiving things. What will lead to doubting yourself, your memories and the way you experience life. This is a vicious circle that is difficult to break because you become completely dependent. If you have someone in your life that knows you better than you know yourself it might be time to RUN!

  3. You constantly feel guilt-tripped: This is one of the priviliges when you are in a relationship with a gaslighter: YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG!! If something happens you are the person to blame. He or she doesn't take responsibility for their action. Why would they if there is always someone around to dump anything on? They will twist and turn the truth, make it benefit in their favour, turn arguments around during debats, ... leaving you wonder whether or not they could be right from their point of view. The constant accusations are so persistent that you'll end up feeling guilty and responsible.

  4. Fears are used against you: In an intimate relationship it's normal that you share personal details and even talk about your fears. Authentic love should help you conquer them instead of making it worse. When you are in a relationship with a gaslighter this is a control tactic to manipulate you. By using and building up on your fear they can make you do whatever they want. They know your fears and won't hesitate to use them. The gaslighter will give you warnings when you are not 'behaving well' by saying things like: "you'll end up completely alone and who will take you if I dump you?". Living in constant fear isn't good for your mental health. When you experience that your fears are used against you it might be time to talk with a professional to break this unhealthy pattern.

  5. Isolation: When you wonder where your family, friends and even aquaintances went to, chances are that the abuser used a form of manipulated isolation to keep you even more close to him or her. They will do everything in their power to excise others by spreading lies about you or them or create distrust. Off course they will do anything to make themselves look good in any situation. While the gaslighter is spreading lies, he or she will make sure to look like a reliable person. Leaving your family, friends and aquaintances wonder what is wrong with you. Because they don't have a clue of the manipulative game the abuser is playing, they will back down and convince themselves that you are in good hands with him or her. Giving the abuser even more munition to continue.

Know that one of the main topics in gasligthing is to create a disbalance between fabrication and reality. The gaslighter will use every trick to make you doubt yourself and give them more power. The moment you entirely lose yourself is the moment they will go and search for a new puppet on a string, leaving you broken and alone. When you recognize any of these signs I would recommend to take distance from this person. I know that when you love someone it might be very difficult to let go, but know that staying close to a gaslighter will cause way much more damage in the long run. In an authentic love relationship you don't devalue your significant other. Have the courage to contact a professional that will guide you in this process. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Learn how to trust your own power again by loving yourself first! If you have any experiences with gaslighting don't hesitate to share them in the comments below, by sending me a mail or DM on Insta. Let's create more awareness about toxic relationships by talking about it.


Sending you lots of love as always. Selina




 
 
 

Comentários

bottom of page